6 month check-in

Is it really possible that it's already been half a year since I had Theo?? Our little boy will be 6 months old on Sunday. That whole newborn phase seems so long ago already!!

Well, onto the updates. Theo is now sitting up unsupported quite well. He still topples over from time to time, but that's usually as a result of him leaning too far to grab a toy or to reach towards something and not as much because of lack of back strength anymore. He likes to lunge at things...he's got this funny, mysterious way of moving several feet away from where he starts out even though he can't actually crawl yet. It's mostly the result of lunging and rolling and scooting. He's started trying to climb out of his bouncers. He's also figured out that if he's laying on a blanket and his toy is just out of reach, he can pull the blanket so the toy comes closer to him. Little stinker.

In the past 2 months, we celebrated Theo's first Halloween (Fozzie Bear) and his first Thanksgiving. Have I mentioned that I've cut out all dairy because it makes Theo scream?? I miss it very much, more so with every passing day (and especially on holidays!!). Since my last update, we also went to an infant chiropractor to see if that would help with Theo's sleep/gas issues. While he was very nice and I learned a lot, I didn't see any improvement. Currently, we're giving him baby probiotics for his sensitive stomach. No obvious improvements yet, but I'll keep you posted. We also started regularly feeding him solids about a week and a half ago. He does well with the rice cereal and oatmeal cereal, but I'm still not sure if the bananas are sitting well in his stomach.

Oh yes. And now we need to devote an entire paragraph to teething. Ladies and gentlemen, I tell you that teething SUCKS! Those two little tooth buds have been hanging around for three months now, just ready to burst through and the side effects (constant drool, fussiness/screaming spells, diarrhea, nasal congestion, etc.) just keep getting worse with no actual teeth in sight!! Literally, all I want for Christmas is for Theo's two front teeth to pop through! I've met several parents who've told me that this can go on for another 2-3 months. Please please please PLEASE don't let this be the case! We've tried Tylenol, homeopathic remedies, teething toys, teething toys in the fridge, wet rags in the fridge, a metal spoon in the fridge, comfort nursing (ouch!), and even an amber necklace (that Tyler believes is a scam anyway)! I've been told to give him a chicken bone to gnaw on (no thank you). I've also been advised to just scrape at his gums with my fingernails to help the teeth cut through (also, no thank you). I recently learned that back in the day, pediatricians used to lance the baby's gums so the teeth would come through. But my (wonderful!) pediatric nurse practitioner mother-in-law has told me that none of these will actually solve the problem and that those little teeth just have to find their own way out, in their own time. So we continue to wait, fingers crossed that it happens soon!

4 month update!

Theo went for his 4 month check up on friday. he now weighs 14 lbs 9 oz and is 25 3/4 in long. that's 50th percentile for weight and 75th percentile for height!

he is now fantastic at supported sitting and can even keep himself propped up for 1-2 seconds before falling over. but he absolutely LOVES practicing; we prop him up with the boppy pillow around his belly and he can sit like that for 10 minutes or more! he's been "talking" a lot more in the past few weeks. even though he's not saying actual words, you can tell he definitely has a message that he wants to convey when he makes a sound...whether it's out of excitement, curiosity, silliness, sleepiness, or frustration, he always lets you know! he's also recently discovered his feet and is starting to enjoy tummy time a whole lot more. last weekend, he rolled over from his tummy to his back for the first time ever! there haven't been any repeat occurences, so sadly tyler missed it, but it was still pretty exciting. he just looked up at me afterwards with the most surprised look on his face! i'm pretty sure he would have started crying had i not been there smiling back at him to tell him what he did was actually exciting and not scary.

we haven't made much progress in the sleep department. the night before he turned 4 months old, he got a 5 hour stretch of sleep. but he's been back to stirring every 1-3 hours ever since. he's not necessarily always hungry when he stirs (i don't say "wakes" because he never actually opens his eyes, he just cries in his sleep until we figure out what he needs and calms back down)...most of the time he needs to pass gas and this upsets him, and other times we have no idea what's wrong and he just cries until we can help him get back to sleep either by rocking him, rubbing his feet (which works surprisingly well!), or comfort nursing him. co-sleeping is the only way i am getting enough sleep to function. and while co-sleeping wasn't my original plan, i actually really enjoy it and sometimes feel sad when i think about the fact that we won't be able to do this forever. it definitely does have its downsides though...the main problem being that he won't fall asleep at night unless i'm in bed with him, which means i am going to bed between 8:30 and 9 pm every night. it's doable for now, since i'm still waking up every few hours so i really need the extra sleep. but once he starts sleeping for longer spurts, this is going to be a silly time for me to be going to bed. especially since i work till 7 pm monday-thursdays. hmph.

we tried offering him solid foods once he turned 4 months. yeah, that didn't go so well. he hated the rice cereal and actually grimaced when we offered him banana a few nights later! he's definitely showing all the signs of being ready for solids, but after those two initial tries, we're going to wait until 5 months to try anything else. he had the worst night of sleep ever the night we gave him the banana...so yeah, there's no need to rush back into that in my opinion.

1/4 year old!!

ladies and gentleman, we have officially turned a corner! last week, theo finally started to eat more during each feeding, which means we are no longer feeding him every hour!! it's amazing...he had a big growth spurt in which he suddenly drank up all the milk i had saved up (both fridge and freezer) over the course of two days, then i was with him friday-monday for the long holiday weekend and by friday afternoon we were suddenly on a very clear eat-play-sleep schedule, with theo only needing to eat every 2.5-3 hours! before when i would try to feed him, he would only take one side then be done with it, but now he's finally interested in both sides for every feeding!

he's also laughing a TON now, is slowly starting to tolerate tummy time a little more, and is starting to (clumsily) move objects towards his face with his hands! yesterday in the car he gnawed on his stuffed giraffe for a good ten minutes or so. :-) it's really amazing how much more aware he suddenly is of his surroundings.

also, over the weekend he got to meet his aunts and uncles on the baber side, which he absolutely loved! grandpa charlie also volunteered to give him his first tractor ride, but i (as politely as i could) declined. :-P for now, we just took a mini tractor photo shoot.

12 weeks - some updates on my boy :-)

enough whining, here are some fun little updates on Theo!

lately he's been discovering his hands, which is lots of fun! when he focuses hard enough, he can aim and swat at various objects (faces, toys, books, etc). yesterday i caught him just sitting and staring at his hands for a long time while we were in the car! :-) he's also been eating his hands and sucking on his fingers for a few weeks now, which i'm VERY excited about since he doesn't take the pacifier for any long amount of time. i think we've definitely got a thumbsucker on our hands. :-)

he's also been squealing for a few weeks now, and it is just the best sound ever! we've only caught him belly laughing two or three times now, but the squealing is now part of the morning routine. :-) he just wakes up so happy in the mornings and he loves laying on the changing pad! so most mornings we just lay him down and play with him for a few minutes on the changing pad and he kicks and squeals himself silly. :-)

over the weekend, Theo got to meet his second cousin, Tank (technically i think there's a "once removed" in there or something, but who's keeping track??). Tank (formally, Frank Howard Baber V) is 6 weeks younger than Theo. it's already so hard to remember Theo being that small!! it was also really great to catch up with Tank's mom, Tana and to swap stories and experiences. we're definitely looking forward to many years of those two growing up and playing with each other. :-)

last night, Theo gave me a 4 hour stretch of sleep, which was really nice! we've started using some of the sleep tips from The No Cry Sleep Solution book and so far i really like it. personally, this book makes more sense to me than some of the "cry it out" books out there, because it emphasizes more behavioral training and forming positive sleep associations rather than the idea that the baby will eventually just get so frustrated and fed up that he'll wear himself out. i know that's NOT the main premise of the cry it out books, but i just can't imagine how anyone could learn how to relax when they're basically crying themselves to sleep. so anyway, this is what's working for us. mostly, i've adjusted to his schedule so that i can get enough sleep and feel rested for the day, and i've learned to be very happy with ANY signs of progress. :-)

breastfeeding is (still) hard

so maybe this blog has turned out to be more of a forum for me to whine than an actual place to give baby updates! oh well. today's topic is breastfeeding (again) and the many lessons i've had to learn about it.

so the last two months are basically a blur at this point, but to get you caught up to speed, we were doing well at some point in there. theo's latch problems are a thing of the past and i was really becoming in tune with his eating needs. then, about two weeks ago, i downloaded this app to my ipod that helped me track his every move throughout the day, since i couldn't figure out why we still couldn't successfully leave the house for any amount of time even though he'd hit the 2 month mark. it turns out, he was still eating EVERY SINGLE HOUR! so i tracked it for 2 weeks and basically just adapted to his schedule. but then i started work and realized that we can't keep this up forever. he's still only eating about an ounce per hour, no matter when or how much food we offer him.

and now that i'm back to work i'm pumping 4x a day (working 10 hr days). it sucks. pumping is (still) annoying and cleanup is a hassle and pumping 4x per day means that that's 4 clients that i can't see every day, which adds up pretty darn quickly!

so yesterday i talked to a lactation consultant on the phone. she pretty much confirmed what i'd already suspected...an oversupply of milk. which is funny because it's not like i'm pumping 6-8 oz every time like some moms you read about on the babycenter message boards. nope, still only pumping about 3-4 oz on for both sides on a good day. also, this is especially ironic after re-reading my last post about having to get my supply up! but she thinks that i have a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance, which is leading theo to feel less satisfied at each feeding, which is leading him to get hungry again every single hour.

so, the lactation consultant now has me on a block feeding/pumping schedule, where i'm only using one side to feed or pump for 6 hour time chunks. for example, today from noon to 5:59 i'm on the right side. then at 6, i'll pump on the left and continue using the left until tonight at 11:59, and so on. it doesn't matter how many times i pump or feed on each side during that time chunk, it just matters that i'm only stimulating one breast at a time to send my body the message "hey, quit making so much milk!" that way, my body will be more in line with his needs and then there will be more of the fatty hindmilk for him to eat at each feeding. in the meantime, i'm feeling very lopsided. and it hurts. i never really understood how engorgement would hurt, but it really really does. ugh.

all of that to say, i feel like a freaking science experiment most days! between the hindmilk issue, the reflux, the possible dairy sensitivity, and the just general unexplained fussiness, there are just too many potential variables to account for and i am overwhelmed. we now live in a society with maybe TOO MUCH information, which leaves newbie parents like me getting confused and overwhelmed and always questioning myself and overdiagnosing my problems. a big part of parenting, i'm learning, is just trial and error with a lot of unsolicited advice thrown in for good measure. and then eventually they grow out of that stage anyway and you never really know if what you did actually worked or if they just moved on.

so yeah, i'm learning a lot. i think. or at least i'm trying a lot. and that has to count for something, right?

adventures in breastfeeding!

i had no idea feeding a baby would be such hard work!! the past two and a half weeks have been exhausting, both physically and emotionally. of course, everyone warned me it would be...but the ups and downs of being a new parent is apparently one of those things you just have to learn the hard way.

it all started on day one, when theo first tried to nurse. he had an incredibly strong "chomping" latch, which badly bruised my left nipple and only woke for 2 feedings that first 24 hours. i wish someone had gotten more suspicious about this before we left the birth center, but alas, we didn't know any better.

on day 2, when he still wasn't waking for feedings or latching very well, i looked in his mouth and realized that he was tongue-tied. luckily, we had the number for a lactation consultant and got an appointment later that week to get it evaluated and clipped.

days 3-7 are a blur. his bilirubin level went up high enough that we had to go to the hospital, and after 11 hours under the bili lights and a full night of formula feeding (which i was FURIOUS about), he was much much better. also, he got his tongue-tie clipped and we had to learn how to latch all over again. because of this, he wasn't eating enough and didn't gain enough weight in the first week.

days 7-14 - focus on fattening him up. 3 lactation consultation visits later, i am now offering the breast first, then supplementing with expressed breastmilk for every feeding. it SUCKS. pumping hurts more than that first terrible latch, it's boring (but a MAJOR shoutout to my wonderful husband for going out to buy me a pumping bra so i can have both hands free during these 20 minute pumping sessions and for renting a hospital grade pump all by himself!), and it really limits my ability to "sleep when the baby's sleeping" since i am basically a human milk machine at this point. pumping is not only helping him get the extra food he needs, but it's also working to increase my milk supply as well (which fell off when he wasn't eating well those first few days). but still. it sucks.

oh, also somewhere in there he had to get his tongue-tie clipped AGAIN because it had started healing up wrong and was interferring with his latch still. insert MORE re-learning how to latch work.

yesterday (day 16) - stayed up all night fussing and screaming. i think it might have been the broccoli i ate for dinner, since he also fussed a few nights last week when i had salad for dinner. guess this means no more green veggies for dinner anymore. luckily, we were both able to sleep for most of the day to make up for the craziness of this night. hoping this doesn't become a pattern.

today (day 17) - he has gained enough of his birth weight back that the pediatrician is no longer as worried about him. however, we still have to pump until his latch gets good enough that he can transfer all the milk i have to offer. and my supply still isn't where it should be either. i've started taking the herbs fenugreek and blessed thistle to help increase my milk supply. i take it in this tincture form that is also 50% grain alcohol, so it basically feels like taking a shot of whiskey 3 times a day. not fun, but hopefully it'll help. also, since my internal clock is a lot less flexible than his, i am still awake at 2:15 AM while he is fast asleep. guess i can't win either way.

i've heard this gets easier as time goes on.

birth day

to simplify things, i'm going to tell you our birth story in timeline form. otherwise, i might never get this thing typed!!

6/3/10
4:30 PM - started the usual nightly contractions, about 5 min apart, lasting one min long for several hours. the birth center's orders were to call when they were 4 min apart, lasting one min long, for at least one hour.
bedtime - still having contractions, getting more intense but not consistently close enough to call the birth center.

6/4/10
9 AM - rough night. slept between contractions, but not through them. no progress, very tired. called the birth center, decided to go in early for our 40 wk appt that day.
11 AM - birth center appt. finally got my cervix checked, VERY frustrated to learn that although i was 100% effaced, i was still only 1 cm dilated. sent home with a prescription for ambien to get some rest before active labor, was told i would probably have my baby in the next day or two.
2:30 PM - ambien helped me to sleep for maybe an hour or two, but still felt every contraction and they were still getting worse. feeling EXHAUSTED.
3 PM - called friend rose to find a recommendation for a free doula.
4 PM - doula identified, on her way. i got in the bath, it didn't help.
4:30 PM - introduced myself to our doula, a complete stranger prior to this experience, entirely in the nude. didn't care; contractions HURT!
4:30-7ish PM - tried various comfort measures and deep breathing...got through them okay. no longer feeling as frustrated about all the previous false alarms but ready for this to be pronounced as REAL.
7 PM - called the birth center, was told to wait another hour till they were under 4 min apart.
7:30 PM - i pronounced that it was TIME TO LEAVE. the birth center responded by saying "okay". used my hypnobirthing tape in the car for the 40 min ride and it helped.
8:10 PM - arrived at birth center. cervix check: 5 cm. midwife made a guess that we would have our baby first thing the next morning, when the birds started chirping outside. i insisted it would be sooner than that.
8:10 - midnight - active labor. lots of fanning me off, cold washcloths, trying comfortable positions, deep breathing. got in the jacuzzi for a bit, but didn't like the jets turned on. the water felt great, but couldn't find a comfortable position to sit for very long. also had to get an IV because i wasn't staying hydrated enough. disappointed, but took it like a champ.

6/5/10
12:30ish - cervix check. 7 cm. IS THAT ALL??? ugh.
12:30 - 2:30 AM - more active labor. let the moaning begin. i had no idea i would be so...primal...during labor. i was just like all of those women you see in the birth videos groaning through every contraction and i totally didn't care. tyler later compared the sounds to "being in a haunted house".
2:30 AM - another cervix check. STILL 7 cm. almost started to cry, i was so frustrated. OMG. midwife gave us two options. 1) transfer to the hospital to get pitocin. 2) break my water and take some stadol to help me get through transition. reassess in 2 hours, once the stadol wears off. we opted for option #2. broke the water, found some bits of meconium. momentary scare, thought we'd still have to go to the hospital. but they decided it was only a few small clumps and not enough to warrant a transfer. if he came out and wasn't active and fussy, they'd have to take immediate measures.
3:30 AM - contractions were 30 sec apart. the stadol made me just trippy enough that i remember starting out having some random short dream and then through each contraction i just kept thinking to myself "just let me get through this one so i can get back to that dream!" continue lots of scary moaning and out of body levels of intensity. cervix check: 10 cm. holy crap, i just dilated 3 cm in ONE HOUR!!!
3:50 AM - i started feeling the urge to push. midwife told me to listen to my body but that she wouldn't start coaching me through pushing until 4:30, once the stadol wore off. i remember feeling frustrated that i couldn't get down on the floor to squat it out like i'd hoped i would. because of the stadol, they made me stay in the bed. i was on my side, with one leg up on a birth ball. i started pushing anyway, because how the heck are you supposed to stop something like that?? i later compared this feeling to "needing to throw up, but at the other end". there's just no stopping it.
4:20ish - midwife started coaching me through pushing. i was so focused at this point, i couldn't open my eyes and i really wasn't aware of anything outside of my own body. whenever anyone started talking too much, i could only say "shhhh!" i didn't have time to think about the "ring of fire", because i was so focused on just getting this whole thing over with. at various points, things got so intense that i swear i didn't even care if my baby was born JUST GET HIM OUT OF ME!!! of course, this feeling immediately wore off once the midwife told me to feel down at my crotch to feel his head crowning. wow, there's a real person coming out of me!!! utter excitement and new motivation to keep going.
5:03 AM - wow, so that's what a head feels like coming out of you. the rest of the body easily slipped out. theo was placed on my chest and i was in love. tyler cut the cord, i got 3 stitches. nothing else mattered besides this new little man in my life (7 lbs 15 oz, 20.5 inches long). begin: parenthood.

we're having our first fight.

yes, i am currently feeling angry at my unborn son. see, the problem is, he sees himself as completely comfortable in my belly and i disagree. my abs hurt from all the contractions (every single night) this past week, i'm frustrated that i missed out on a lot of fun things this holiday weekend so we could stay close to home "just in case", and i'm starting to feel like he just might prove everyone wrong and decide to never come out. i've found myself wondering what the world record is for "longest labor".

my friend haley mentioned the other day that she thinks a baby's labor can usually be linked to their personality later on in life. it made perfect sense to me...i was born 3-4 weeks early and i am incredibly impatient! what worries me is that this perfectly content baby boy is going to grow up to frustrate his impatient mother time and time again (not unlike his father, who is also one of the most easygoing people i've ever known!).

our health insurance is changing as of june 1, which is also making me anxious. i don't think it's going to change very much...but we all know how fun it is to receive surprise insurance bills weeks after having some kind of medical procedure! it just would have been so much easier if he'd been born today or earlier. but that doesn't look like it's in the cards right now. i've been doing all the "natural induction" methods...pineapple, spicy foods, walking...you name it, we've done it! the problem isn't that i can't get contractions to start...the problem is KEEPING THEM GOING!!

anyway, my complete state of grumpiness is now turning me into a recluse. don't be surprised if you e-mail, call, or text me and i don't respond. i just don't see the point in turning my wrath on some innocent, curious friend or bystander for now.

the answers to your questions are:
yes, i'm still pregnant
no, i'm not feeling comfortable
yes, we're very READY for this baby to be born!
no, i don't know if i'm dilated or effaced
yes, i'm still having contractions
no, there's nothing we can do to help speed this thing along to accommodate your busy schedule

now, if you're not here to bring me watermelon or some other delicious treat, you can be on your way.

39 weeks today!

still contracting. i'm basically always having contractions at this point, so no need to ask. i'm just one big, walking braxton hicks contraction.

thank you rachel for sharing this link with me. i think it sounds wonderful! really takes the weight off a new parents' shoulders when i'm sure our minds will be fuzzy and we won't really know what to ask for in those first few days. my personal favorites are the ones about cleaning out the fridge and emptying all the trash cans in the house. so practical!!

http://www.glorialemay.com/blog/?p=34

also, i've got a chiropractic appointment scheduled for this evening, right after our 39 week check-up. i'm hoping some alignment support will help this little guy get in the right position for labor (not to mention help me sleep a little better at night with the mile-wide hips i've got going on right now!).

maybe we'll go to the zoo tomorrow for a nice, long walk?? i'm hoping the extra birthing hormones in the air from the animals will give this little guy the hint. ;-)

prep work

it's been called to my attention recently that this is the path i've chosen by wanting to go completely natural and med-free with my labor. i realized that after all of these false alarms this past week, i'm pretty sure if i was being treated in a hospital setting, they would have hooked me up to different types of monitors, realized i was in pre-labor, and then convinced me to just induce and get the whole thing over with by now. which...might not be a problem in many of your eyes, but it's just not the path i've chosen with this little guy. as frustrating as it is that my midwives don't check my cervix for dilation/effacement...and as inconvenient as it's been to already have packed my bags and mentally prepared to have my baby TODAY only to be let down on more than one occasion...and as much as my abs hurt all the time now from all of these constant contractions...it's still worth it in my mind. call me crazy, but i'm really looking to letting my body do its thing when the big day arrives. and i'm also grateful that in the meantime, my body is working well enough that it's doing all this prep work ahead of time...hopefully that means labor will be slightly easier/shorter on the actual day! at least, that's what i'm now telling myself. :-)

that being said, i officially started my maternity leave yesterday. it wasn't what i'd planned to do, but i realized that the stress and anxiety of juggling all of these contractions with my job was just getting to be too much. so here i am...day one of staying at home. i really do mean to be productive with this time off. but it's also soooo tempting to just sit around and watch movies all day until our little guy arrives! hopefully i'll be able to find a good balance of relaxation and productivity. and i hope even MORE that this little boy decides to make his grand entrance into the world very soon!!!

nothing's bruised except my ego

another day of false labor yesterday. and yes, i know you're not "supposed" to call it "false labor" because it's still getting your body ready for labor so it's still productive and blah blah blah. but in my opinion, "false labor" gets taken more seriously than "practice contractions" and so that's what i'm calling it.

anyway, don't worry, i'm still completely comfortable physically (unfortunately). this is something i didn't really understand about pregnancy before. physically, at least for me, it really hasn't been all that uncomfortable at all. i mean, yeah, rolling over in bed is a major pain and bending over has now turned into the ever-so-ladylike squatting down. there are a million little things to complain about. but what i've realized though, is that the most uncomfortable part of pregnancy is the emotional part.

i've always been a worrier by nature, so the hardest part for me throughout this pregnancy has been the anxiety. every step of the way, i've imagined the worst...when really, i've probably had one of the most normal, healthy, relatively comfortable pregnancies imaginable! but the emotional roller coaster of "what if's" have toyed with my emotions one too many times. first it was the "will we be able to conceive?" question, then the morning sickness, then the constant worries about miscarriage, then trying to keep my growing belly hidden from my clients at work, then the anatomy ultrasound, then the blood sugar and the weight gain, then the risks of pre-term labor, then the group B strep test, and now WHEN WILL MY BABY BE BORN?!?! and you know what? this baby has been so healthy and completely NORMAL this whole pregnancy, i'm seriously starting to wonder if he's just going to keep being a tease for the next week or so and then miraculously appear on his actual due date!

i'm tired of getting my hopes up, waking up with contractions and thinking "this is the day my son will be born!" it's emotionally exhausting, and each time it doesn't actually happen it just makes me feel more and more frustrated. i've been nesting and contracting and falsely getting my hopes up for over 3 weeks now and i feel drained. not to mention, i also feel more and more foolish each time i have to slink back to work to tell everyone "false alarm! no baby yet!" you'd think the veteran moms there would be more supportive and understanding, but instead i just get the "knowing" glances that make me feel completely patronized and idiotic. you know the look..."oh, bless her heart...she thought those were REAL contractions! just wait till she's actually in labor, we'll see how her 'natural labor' goes then!" why are women so darned competitive??!?! well, i guess that's another rant for another day. but anyway, i'm tired. completely physically capable to keep working and going about my normal day, but just feeling so emotionally drained. and i know none of this is going to get any easier once this little boy is born, because there will ALWAYS be things to worry about and there will ALWAYS be other moms to make me feel like an idiot.

but still. i want my baby out and i want him out now. that is all.

pregnancy used to be fun

38 weeks -
ugh, i just need to vent today. i've been having pretty consistent cramping (like the feeling before you get your period) since yesterday around 2 PM. at 5:30, i had a sudden extreme bout of restlessness so tyler and i took a nice, quick-paced walk around the neighborhood (i haven't walked that fast since before i got pregnant!). hoping it would bring on some actual contractions, i also bounced on my birth ball for about an hour or so (which caused some definite pain, but still no contractions). i went to bed feeling like maybe the baby had dropped a little lower. but other than that, no real signs of progress yet...just lots of cramps and general discomfort.

and the moodiness!!!! i'm extremely tired today and i just don't feel like being around people one bit. i'm tired of these stupid maternity clothes (and the heat isn't making it any easier), i'm tired of the constant guessing game (will this sudden pain lead to full-blown contractions?), and i'm tired of the rude and ridiculous comments i get from total strangers (either "wow, you're about to pop!" or "oh, you've still got a while left"), none of which have been helping me feel any more patient or relaxed about this baby's timing! i've had people tell me not to let my water break on them (um, like i have a choice?) and i'm absolutely LOVING the "you're STILL pregnant?!" comments! in the beginning of this pregnancy, i thought things might be a little easier at the end if i just didn't tell anyone my due date. this really only served to piss off my friends and family, who i now realize would have been nothing but excited and supportive...and it still hasn't helped to ward off the rude and nosy strangers! sometimes when strangers ask when i'm due, i'll try the sarcastic "not soon enough!" response, hoping that will appease their curiosity...but it's amazing to me how some people still absolutely INSIST that you tell them an actual date!! do you know how small the percentage is of women who actually have their babies on their due date??? it's a completely arbitrary day to me, so much so that most days i honestly even forget what it is! but...since i've realized most people have pretty much figured it out by now anyway, i'm going to tell you what it is. ready?? my due date is june 4th. there, i said it. now, that being said, i still want you to forget the date i just told you, stop reading this wherever you are, and start sending prayers/thoughts/vibes/whatever that i will have this baby TODAY because i can almost guarantee that if i'm still pregnant on june 4th, i will be an absolute MONSTER and should not be held accountable for anything i might say, do, or think from that day forward.

the calm before the storm??

as previously stated, last week was a hectic one for me. my contractions were frequent and i was basically just a big pile of pregnancy complaints for most of the week. this week, however, has significantly slowed down. i hardly had any contractions throughout the weekend (despite some semi-legitimate attempts to bring them on) and in general, i just feel pretty good right now. REALLY BIG, but good. :-)

this week, the main focus is now on my energy levels. let's see...friday night, i fell asleep on the couch around 8:30, woke up long enough to move to the bed around 11ish, and then kept right on sleeping until 9AM the next morning! we went out for hot wings saturday for lunch, in a small attempt to see what all the fuss about eating "spicy foods" would do for my contractions (answer: they did SQUAT!!!). then we took a long walk down to the art museum later that afternoon and i dutifully climbed the front steps in an effort to walk this baby out! :-) the walk home was much less comfortable, but i still made it in one piece! oh, then tyler convinced me that we needed to see Iron Man 2 as our "last movie out" before the little guy comes. (although, if he decides to wait another week and a half, MY "last movie out" will definitely be Sex and the City 2.)

on sunday, i woke up with an incredible urge to bake and freeze 4 dozen muffins. i had planned on laying around and watching movies the rest of the afternoon, but all of a sudden my plans changed when i realized i HAD to make a baby quilt RIGHT NOW!!! i worked on the quilt for most of the afternoon and evening and it looks pretty darn good if i do say so myself. haven't gotten around to putting the back on it yet...my energy was pretty much depleted by the time the Desperate Housewives finale came on sunday night (how convenient!). :-)

and well, ever since then i've been sleeping really deeply through the nights (a total godsend after the past few months of crappy sleep!) and having some really intense dreams. no baby dreams lately though...mostly just about all my favorite shows' season finale plots (i'm so lame!) that are airing this week.

and so, the waiting game continues.

the joys of false labor

it started around 4 pm yesterday and lasted until around 7ish (or 9ish...the signs aren't nearly as clear as i always expected them to be). from 4-5 i had some rhythmic, semi painful contractions, but they weren't consistent (5 min apart, then 4 min apart, then 7 min apart, etc.) and each one only lasted a few seconds each. from 5-6 i was distracted by work-related things so i guess they settled down a bit. then walking to my car at 6 started them back up again...only this time they weren't as painful or time-able. by 7ish, my stomach was just really tight all over, as if i was having one really looooong contraction. but then by 9, my whole body just stopped and said "Just kidding, you're not getting anything out of this tonight" and i fell fast asleep by a little after 10. hmph...and so it begins. i've heard that these types of false alarms can go on for weeks. i'm hoping they'll at least be a little bit productive for me in the dilating/effacing realm, but who knows? this morning has been more of the same vague, tight stomach kinds of feelings. it's beginning to get a lot harder to know how to respond when someone asks "How are you feeling?" quite frankly, i have no clue how i'm feeling! it can change so quickly from one second to the next. mostly, i just answer with "I'm feeling very pregnant!" and that seems to appease people pretty well.

ticking time bomb

this morning before my alarm went off, marley climbed up on my belly and refused to get off. i have a feeling she's probably going to know i'm in labor before i even figure it out!

at 36 weeks now, the thought has occurred to me that either way, even if i go past my due date, we are going to be new parents in the next 6 weeks. sure, this should be very obvious at this point, but it still feels very surreal. i've never been good at finishing things. crafts often sit around the house half done, about most of the books of my bookshelf have bookmarks still in them at various points...so it came as no surprise that i felt ready to be done with this pregnancy about 10 weeks ago!! however, the closer we get, the more it continues to sink in. people are wishing me happy mother's day already! who, me???

anyway, my to do list now consists of lots of resting and trying to soak up as much sleep, freedom, and reality television as possible. sure, there are still things we should get done before this baby comes...but the really important stuff is finished and i've run out of energy to keep caring about the rest. it's been an especially exhausting week at work this past week, tyler has to finish up the rest of his class work for the semester, and we are both just feeling ready to spend time meeting this baby we've been working so hard to make and support!

boundaries

three big things we have scratched off our to-do list this week:
-pick pediatrician
-pay deposit for daycare (to be started after my 12 weeks at home)
-completed our childbirth class

newly added to the list:
-pack hospital bag! (eek!!!!)

i've been thinking a lot this week about visitors after the baby comes and what kinds of boundaries i might need to set in order to maintain my sanity those first few weeks. (prompted by this post on my favorite design blog, ohdeedoh.com) after all these years, most people STILL don't believe me, but i really am a very serious introvert at heart and major social functions leave me feeling tense and drained of all energy. add to that the lack of sleep and overall funk that i keep hearing about for the first few weeks after the baby is born, and the thought of entertaining...and cleaning up after...house guests just leaves me feeling a little anxious. don't get me wrong, i'm VERY excited to introduce our little guy to all our friends and family and i know i'll feel very proud to show him off to everyone we know! but the thought of tyler and i just holing up in the house in our pjs and cuddling with the baby completely uninterrupted that first week just sounds so divine to me right now...especially considering the fact that i'll still be working right up to the time i go into labor. call me selfish, but after all this effort i've put into making this baby these past 9 months, i secretly just want to hoard him all to myself when he arrives! we have the rest of our lives to share him with everyone else!

also, i'm pretty sure that neither man nor beast will be able to pry me away from my bed each time our little man takes a nap. the #1 thing i'm looking forward to the most is being able to SLEEP ON MY BACK again!!!!!

Spring Cleaning

this past weekend, my wonderful mom came to help us get the house in order for our little guy. it was amazing...she was down on the floor scrubbing baseboards and cleaning parts of the house i'd never even think to clean (let alone bend over to do it at this stage in the pregnancy!). so our house is FINALLY ready for a baby to move in! :-) all of the baby clothes, blankets, towels and other washable items have been washed and put away as well. so now it's just a matter of waiting and trying my best to stay relaxed and open to this little guy's schedule (much easier said than done!).

in the meantime, here are a few more loose ends we have to tie up:
-lauren's bridal shower next weekend in lancaster
-choosing a pediatrician (one interview down, scheduled to meet with another one next monday)
-car seat inspection
-KEEP the house clean! (ha!)
-one more birthing class to go!
-breasfteeding class in may
-finish (i.e., start and THEN finish) thank you notes for all the awesome baby presents we've received
-have baby!

technically, we could have this baby (natural and unmedicated, in the birth center as opposed to the hospital) as soon as 1.5 weeks from now (36 weeks). but we still have almost 6 weeks to go until our due date. at this point, 6 weeks feels like a REALLY long time to keep waiting!!! i'm planning to distract myself by re-reading the last two books of the Twilight series in the meantime, in preparation for the Eclipse movie coming out at the end of JUNE!!!

getting started

thought i should start a blog to keep everyone up to date on our little guy both pre- and post-birthday.

i'm currently 33.5 weeks along and boy is he keeping us on our toes! i've started having braxton hicks contractions, which for those of you who don't know pregnancy-speak, these are basically "practice" contractions. they're pretty normal and aren't supposed to hurt, but they can still be kind of intense at times and can be hard to interpret for a rookie like me. in the past week, they have definitely started picking up speed...which some people tell me could be a sign that labor is near and other people say probably doesn't mean much of anything. regardless of their meaning, they're wearing me out a little bit more each day. from what i've read and what the midwives have told me, the only remedy for braxton hicks contractions is to drink GALLONS of water and to change positions (i.e., if they start while you're sitting up, then lie down for a while, etc.). i've learned that sometimes this works, but mostly it kind of doesn't. what i do know is that the second i tell someone that they've stopped...they spontaneously decide to pick up again. go figure.

here are some examples of what braxton hicks contractions feel like:
1. your stomach is "making a fist"
2. you've just finished a really intense ab workout
3. the baby's butt is going to push its way out through your belly button
4. someone is pulling your bikini line up towards your chin
5. that scene in alien, right before the alien pops out of the belly

combine that with all of the baby kicks, punches, and hiccups, and my insides feel like an amusement park most of the time. needless to say, it's gotten a lot harder to concentrate on anything that isn't baby related these days. and between the GALLONS of water i'm drinking and the constant changing of positions to keep the contractions at bay, it's now getting even harder to try to accomplish anything on my miles-long to do list (yes, that's directed at YOU, pile of thank you notes i still need to write!). for now, i'm trying to focus on keeping this little guy in there for at least three more weeks (those tiny lungs still have some developing to do!)