breastfeeding is (still) hard

so maybe this blog has turned out to be more of a forum for me to whine than an actual place to give baby updates! oh well. today's topic is breastfeeding (again) and the many lessons i've had to learn about it.

so the last two months are basically a blur at this point, but to get you caught up to speed, we were doing well at some point in there. theo's latch problems are a thing of the past and i was really becoming in tune with his eating needs. then, about two weeks ago, i downloaded this app to my ipod that helped me track his every move throughout the day, since i couldn't figure out why we still couldn't successfully leave the house for any amount of time even though he'd hit the 2 month mark. it turns out, he was still eating EVERY SINGLE HOUR! so i tracked it for 2 weeks and basically just adapted to his schedule. but then i started work and realized that we can't keep this up forever. he's still only eating about an ounce per hour, no matter when or how much food we offer him.

and now that i'm back to work i'm pumping 4x a day (working 10 hr days). it sucks. pumping is (still) annoying and cleanup is a hassle and pumping 4x per day means that that's 4 clients that i can't see every day, which adds up pretty darn quickly!

so yesterday i talked to a lactation consultant on the phone. she pretty much confirmed what i'd already suspected...an oversupply of milk. which is funny because it's not like i'm pumping 6-8 oz every time like some moms you read about on the babycenter message boards. nope, still only pumping about 3-4 oz on for both sides on a good day. also, this is especially ironic after re-reading my last post about having to get my supply up! but she thinks that i have a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance, which is leading theo to feel less satisfied at each feeding, which is leading him to get hungry again every single hour.

so, the lactation consultant now has me on a block feeding/pumping schedule, where i'm only using one side to feed or pump for 6 hour time chunks. for example, today from noon to 5:59 i'm on the right side. then at 6, i'll pump on the left and continue using the left until tonight at 11:59, and so on. it doesn't matter how many times i pump or feed on each side during that time chunk, it just matters that i'm only stimulating one breast at a time to send my body the message "hey, quit making so much milk!" that way, my body will be more in line with his needs and then there will be more of the fatty hindmilk for him to eat at each feeding. in the meantime, i'm feeling very lopsided. and it hurts. i never really understood how engorgement would hurt, but it really really does. ugh.

all of that to say, i feel like a freaking science experiment most days! between the hindmilk issue, the reflux, the possible dairy sensitivity, and the just general unexplained fussiness, there are just too many potential variables to account for and i am overwhelmed. we now live in a society with maybe TOO MUCH information, which leaves newbie parents like me getting confused and overwhelmed and always questioning myself and overdiagnosing my problems. a big part of parenting, i'm learning, is just trial and error with a lot of unsolicited advice thrown in for good measure. and then eventually they grow out of that stage anyway and you never really know if what you did actually worked or if they just moved on.

so yeah, i'm learning a lot. i think. or at least i'm trying a lot. and that has to count for something, right?