i had no idea feeding a baby would be such hard work!! the past two and a half weeks have been exhausting, both physically and emotionally. of course, everyone warned me it would be...but the ups and downs of being a new parent is apparently one of those things you just have to learn the hard way.
it all started on day one, when theo first tried to nurse. he had an incredibly strong "chomping" latch, which badly bruised my left nipple and only woke for 2 feedings that first 24 hours. i wish someone had gotten more suspicious about this before we left the birth center, but alas, we didn't know any better.
on day 2, when he still wasn't waking for feedings or latching very well, i looked in his mouth and realized that he was tongue-tied. luckily, we had the number for a lactation consultant and got an appointment later that week to get it evaluated and clipped.
days 3-7 are a blur. his bilirubin level went up high enough that we had to go to the hospital, and after 11 hours under the bili lights and a full night of formula feeding (which i was FURIOUS about), he was much much better. also, he got his tongue-tie clipped and we had to learn how to latch all over again. because of this, he wasn't eating enough and didn't gain enough weight in the first week.
days 7-14 - focus on fattening him up. 3 lactation consultation visits later, i am now offering the breast first, then supplementing with expressed breastmilk for every feeding. it SUCKS. pumping hurts more than that first terrible latch, it's boring (but a MAJOR shoutout to my wonderful husband for going out to buy me a pumping bra so i can have both hands free during these 20 minute pumping sessions and for renting a hospital grade pump all by himself!), and it really limits my ability to "sleep when the baby's sleeping" since i am basically a human milk machine at this point. pumping is not only helping him get the extra food he needs, but it's also working to increase my milk supply as well (which fell off when he wasn't eating well those first few days). but still. it sucks.
oh, also somewhere in there he had to get his tongue-tie clipped AGAIN because it had started healing up wrong and was interferring with his latch still. insert MORE re-learning how to latch work.
yesterday (day 16) - stayed up all night fussing and screaming. i think it might have been the broccoli i ate for dinner, since he also fussed a few nights last week when i had salad for dinner. guess this means no more green veggies for dinner anymore. luckily, we were both able to sleep for most of the day to make up for the craziness of this night. hoping this doesn't become a pattern.
today (day 17) - he has gained enough of his birth weight back that the pediatrician is no longer as worried about him. however, we still have to pump until his latch gets good enough that he can transfer all the milk i have to offer. and my supply still isn't where it should be either. i've started taking the herbs fenugreek and blessed thistle to help increase my milk supply. i take it in this tincture form that is also 50% grain alcohol, so it basically feels like taking a shot of whiskey 3 times a day. not fun, but hopefully it'll help. also, since my internal clock is a lot less flexible than his, i am still awake at 2:15 AM while he is fast asleep. guess i can't win either way.
i've heard this gets easier as time goes on.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
birth day
to simplify things, i'm going to tell you our birth story in timeline form. otherwise, i might never get this thing typed!!
6/3/10
4:30 PM - started the usual nightly contractions, about 5 min apart, lasting one min long for several hours. the birth center's orders were to call when they were 4 min apart, lasting one min long, for at least one hour.
bedtime - still having contractions, getting more intense but not consistently close enough to call the birth center.
6/4/10
9 AM - rough night. slept between contractions, but not through them. no progress, very tired. called the birth center, decided to go in early for our 40 wk appt that day.
11 AM - birth center appt. finally got my cervix checked, VERY frustrated to learn that although i was 100% effaced, i was still only 1 cm dilated. sent home with a prescription for ambien to get some rest before active labor, was told i would probably have my baby in the next day or two.
2:30 PM - ambien helped me to sleep for maybe an hour or two, but still felt every contraction and they were still getting worse. feeling EXHAUSTED.
3 PM - called friend rose to find a recommendation for a free doula.
4 PM - doula identified, on her way. i got in the bath, it didn't help.
4:30 PM - introduced myself to our doula, a complete stranger prior to this experience, entirely in the nude. didn't care; contractions HURT!
4:30-7ish PM - tried various comfort measures and deep breathing...got through them okay. no longer feeling as frustrated about all the previous false alarms but ready for this to be pronounced as REAL.
7 PM - called the birth center, was told to wait another hour till they were under 4 min apart.
7:30 PM - i pronounced that it was TIME TO LEAVE. the birth center responded by saying "okay". used my hypnobirthing tape in the car for the 40 min ride and it helped.
8:10 PM - arrived at birth center. cervix check: 5 cm. midwife made a guess that we would have our baby first thing the next morning, when the birds started chirping outside. i insisted it would be sooner than that.
8:10 - midnight - active labor. lots of fanning me off, cold washcloths, trying comfortable positions, deep breathing. got in the jacuzzi for a bit, but didn't like the jets turned on. the water felt great, but couldn't find a comfortable position to sit for very long. also had to get an IV because i wasn't staying hydrated enough. disappointed, but took it like a champ.
6/5/10
12:30ish - cervix check. 7 cm. IS THAT ALL??? ugh.
12:30 - 2:30 AM - more active labor. let the moaning begin. i had no idea i would be so...primal...during labor. i was just like all of those women you see in the birth videos groaning through every contraction and i totally didn't care. tyler later compared the sounds to "being in a haunted house".
2:30 AM - another cervix check. STILL 7 cm. almost started to cry, i was so frustrated. OMG. midwife gave us two options. 1) transfer to the hospital to get pitocin. 2) break my water and take some stadol to help me get through transition. reassess in 2 hours, once the stadol wears off. we opted for option #2. broke the water, found some bits of meconium. momentary scare, thought we'd still have to go to the hospital. but they decided it was only a few small clumps and not enough to warrant a transfer. if he came out and wasn't active and fussy, they'd have to take immediate measures.
3:30 AM - contractions were 30 sec apart. the stadol made me just trippy enough that i remember starting out having some random short dream and then through each contraction i just kept thinking to myself "just let me get through this one so i can get back to that dream!" continue lots of scary moaning and out of body levels of intensity. cervix check: 10 cm. holy crap, i just dilated 3 cm in ONE HOUR!!!
3:50 AM - i started feeling the urge to push. midwife told me to listen to my body but that she wouldn't start coaching me through pushing until 4:30, once the stadol wore off. i remember feeling frustrated that i couldn't get down on the floor to squat it out like i'd hoped i would. because of the stadol, they made me stay in the bed. i was on my side, with one leg up on a birth ball. i started pushing anyway, because how the heck are you supposed to stop something like that?? i later compared this feeling to "needing to throw up, but at the other end". there's just no stopping it.
4:20ish - midwife started coaching me through pushing. i was so focused at this point, i couldn't open my eyes and i really wasn't aware of anything outside of my own body. whenever anyone started talking too much, i could only say "shhhh!" i didn't have time to think about the "ring of fire", because i was so focused on just getting this whole thing over with. at various points, things got so intense that i swear i didn't even care if my baby was born JUST GET HIM OUT OF ME!!! of course, this feeling immediately wore off once the midwife told me to feel down at my crotch to feel his head crowning. wow, there's a real person coming out of me!!! utter excitement and new motivation to keep going.
5:03 AM - wow, so that's what a head feels like coming out of you. the rest of the body easily slipped out. theo was placed on my chest and i was in love. tyler cut the cord, i got 3 stitches. nothing else mattered besides this new little man in my life (7 lbs 15 oz, 20.5 inches long). begin: parenthood.
6/3/10
4:30 PM - started the usual nightly contractions, about 5 min apart, lasting one min long for several hours. the birth center's orders were to call when they were 4 min apart, lasting one min long, for at least one hour.
bedtime - still having contractions, getting more intense but not consistently close enough to call the birth center.
6/4/10
9 AM - rough night. slept between contractions, but not through them. no progress, very tired. called the birth center, decided to go in early for our 40 wk appt that day.
11 AM - birth center appt. finally got my cervix checked, VERY frustrated to learn that although i was 100% effaced, i was still only 1 cm dilated. sent home with a prescription for ambien to get some rest before active labor, was told i would probably have my baby in the next day or two.
2:30 PM - ambien helped me to sleep for maybe an hour or two, but still felt every contraction and they were still getting worse. feeling EXHAUSTED.
3 PM - called friend rose to find a recommendation for a free doula.
4 PM - doula identified, on her way. i got in the bath, it didn't help.
4:30 PM - introduced myself to our doula, a complete stranger prior to this experience, entirely in the nude. didn't care; contractions HURT!
4:30-7ish PM - tried various comfort measures and deep breathing...got through them okay. no longer feeling as frustrated about all the previous false alarms but ready for this to be pronounced as REAL.
7 PM - called the birth center, was told to wait another hour till they were under 4 min apart.
7:30 PM - i pronounced that it was TIME TO LEAVE. the birth center responded by saying "okay". used my hypnobirthing tape in the car for the 40 min ride and it helped.
8:10 PM - arrived at birth center. cervix check: 5 cm. midwife made a guess that we would have our baby first thing the next morning, when the birds started chirping outside. i insisted it would be sooner than that.
8:10 - midnight - active labor. lots of fanning me off, cold washcloths, trying comfortable positions, deep breathing. got in the jacuzzi for a bit, but didn't like the jets turned on. the water felt great, but couldn't find a comfortable position to sit for very long. also had to get an IV because i wasn't staying hydrated enough. disappointed, but took it like a champ.
6/5/10
12:30ish - cervix check. 7 cm. IS THAT ALL??? ugh.
12:30 - 2:30 AM - more active labor. let the moaning begin. i had no idea i would be so...primal...during labor. i was just like all of those women you see in the birth videos groaning through every contraction and i totally didn't care. tyler later compared the sounds to "being in a haunted house".
2:30 AM - another cervix check. STILL 7 cm. almost started to cry, i was so frustrated. OMG. midwife gave us two options. 1) transfer to the hospital to get pitocin. 2) break my water and take some stadol to help me get through transition. reassess in 2 hours, once the stadol wears off. we opted for option #2. broke the water, found some bits of meconium. momentary scare, thought we'd still have to go to the hospital. but they decided it was only a few small clumps and not enough to warrant a transfer. if he came out and wasn't active and fussy, they'd have to take immediate measures.
3:30 AM - contractions were 30 sec apart. the stadol made me just trippy enough that i remember starting out having some random short dream and then through each contraction i just kept thinking to myself "just let me get through this one so i can get back to that dream!" continue lots of scary moaning and out of body levels of intensity. cervix check: 10 cm. holy crap, i just dilated 3 cm in ONE HOUR!!!
3:50 AM - i started feeling the urge to push. midwife told me to listen to my body but that she wouldn't start coaching me through pushing until 4:30, once the stadol wore off. i remember feeling frustrated that i couldn't get down on the floor to squat it out like i'd hoped i would. because of the stadol, they made me stay in the bed. i was on my side, with one leg up on a birth ball. i started pushing anyway, because how the heck are you supposed to stop something like that?? i later compared this feeling to "needing to throw up, but at the other end". there's just no stopping it.
4:20ish - midwife started coaching me through pushing. i was so focused at this point, i couldn't open my eyes and i really wasn't aware of anything outside of my own body. whenever anyone started talking too much, i could only say "shhhh!" i didn't have time to think about the "ring of fire", because i was so focused on just getting this whole thing over with. at various points, things got so intense that i swear i didn't even care if my baby was born JUST GET HIM OUT OF ME!!! of course, this feeling immediately wore off once the midwife told me to feel down at my crotch to feel his head crowning. wow, there's a real person coming out of me!!! utter excitement and new motivation to keep going.
5:03 AM - wow, so that's what a head feels like coming out of you. the rest of the body easily slipped out. theo was placed on my chest and i was in love. tyler cut the cord, i got 3 stitches. nothing else mattered besides this new little man in my life (7 lbs 15 oz, 20.5 inches long). begin: parenthood.
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